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txgirl
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Random questions

Post by txgirl » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:01 pm

1. I understand the biological and cultural/societal drive to settle down and procreate, but I feel like societal/cultural expectations (in the western world, at least) have changed that the pressure has lessened. So it amazes me when people, women especially, go through extreme lengths to create that ideal. Is the biological urge just much stronger in others? I have a few examples of friends who are willing to go to hell and back to have babies/family, trying (in vain for some) to put their partners (or anyone with a penis) in a box that don’t fit. It is painful to watch. I get that we all have different paths to walk in life but it does make me wonder why choose such a hard road? For what? I will give room for the possibility that I may be missing something that is essential to a life well lived, but I believe there is so much more to life. To try so hard to make something into something it isn’t is a waste of energy.

2) an obgyn appointment at the end of the day. Seriously?! I feel like it would be rude to not go home and freshen up beforehand. Ladies, what’s the etiquette here?

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Re: Random questions

Post by bundes » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:06 pm

Question #2 - I've brought a washcloth with me to work and freshend up before going to an appointment.

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Re: Random questions

Post by cowtown » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:38 pm

Sounds like the late 30’s early 40’s panic

I’ve seen a lot of party people go out and hunt down a family
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Re: Random questions

Post by VinnyD » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:40 pm

Is the biological urge just much stronger in others?
Assuming that there is a biological urge, then it would surprise me if some people didn't have more of it than others. Most human characteristics seem to occur along a spectrum, some people having a lot of it, whatever it is, and others a little.

I think I will pass on question 2.

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Re: Random questions

Post by Cyllarus » Tue Jul 10, 2018 3:05 pm

1. If you don't have strong biological urge to have kids then don't worry about it.

2. I always shower before aphysical. Idea of going home to 'freshen up' is a good one.

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Re: Random questions

Post by Chip_Oatley » Tue Jul 10, 2018 3:29 pm

1. Complicated issue(s). I think that what you are witnessing is much more than just finding someone to have a family with. Couples with children (usually hetero married ones) are considered the norm/ideal and are embraced and accepted in ways that anyone else is not. I think it makes for a much richer social life and connections, tbh, and sense of security, especially for [some] women.
In other words, I don't agree with you that it's OK/accepted not to pursue that ideal--except in the coastal liberal bubbles, and even then honestly--a lot of Americans I know who are politically liberal are not sure what to make of single people.

My personal opinion is that the prospect of divorce (with kids involved) down the line is not as terrifying or daunting to people who went through it with their parents, so that's not a barrier to jumping in, if that makes sense.

2. Unless there's been a heavy-duty workout or the heat index is over 100F and you commuted by train or bus, all should be passable...unless you have an infection?

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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Tue Jul 10, 2018 3:35 pm

1. i really really really wanted a baby, but i was happy happy happy to adopt. does that still count as a biological urge? i was NOT willing to try IVF more than once; people do it an unbelievable number of times. so, seriously: does wanting to adopt a baby still count as a biological urge? i still love babies.

2. it's actually best NOT to freshen up; they need to see your natural state complete with natural....secretions. seriously. they're doctors.
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Re: Random questions

Post by jessica_fletcher » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:01 pm

Yup. Baby wipes and clean knicknocks always!
VinnyD wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 6:13 pm
Oops.

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Re: Random questions

Post by bundes » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:04 pm

I do just water.

I worry the chemicals, perfumes whatever in wipes can alter the sample.

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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:41 pm

I never thought about benefits of going natural, but you have a point dragon!

No infection. They’re probing my insides for something specific.

I agree that it is a complex issue, chip. I didn’t say though that the pressure doesn’t exist. I just think it’s less now than when women my age were growing up. I know what you are talking about, not knowing what to do with single people, (seemingly) richer connections as a coupled/with child woman, etc. My point was that there is also a different picture out there that is slowly taking place that isn’t what convention dictates. With that available, you would think that would ease women a bit. Not make them so crazy to build a replica of the conventional image.

And this is not a diss on marriage and family. I am not anti. I’m just amazed at the length and the sacrifices (in their happiness) some women will go to/ make just to attain the ideal. They are willling bargain their own sanity/ peace of mind/ whatever else to be like everyone else.

What is it the sense of belonging once you have the conventional life? But if you’re unhappy, what good is that?

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Re: Random questions

Post by ExPat From Hell » Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:54 pm

I always shower and have an espresso before my massages.
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Re: Random questions

Post by jessica_fletcher » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:10 pm

bundes wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:04 pm
I do just water.

I worry the chemicals, perfumes whatever in wipes can alter the sample.
You can get just water wipes.

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VinnyD wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 6:13 pm
Oops.

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leela
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Re: Random questions

Post by leela » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:59 pm

"They are willling bargain their own sanity/ peace of mind/ whatever else to be like everyone else."

What makes you think they go through this to be like everyone else?
I think it's far more likely that they go through it because it's what they want for themselves.

When I got broody, it was because I wanted a child. Not because I wanted to be like other people.
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Re: Random questions

Post by Flora » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:37 pm

I used to wonder this stuff before I had a kid. Even though I never had the big broody urge, now I can totally get it. It's not about fitting in/being like everyone else at all, it just feels right for some people and not others. Not broody as other people have described it to me, it just felt the right thing to do. I've never considered being like everyone else to be important, so it wasn't that.

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Re: Random questions

Post by GLimpet » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:46 pm

leela wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:59 pm
"They are willling bargain their own sanity/ peace of mind/ whatever else to be like everyone else."

What makes you think they go through this to be like everyone else?
I think it's far more likely that they go through it because it's what they want for themselves.

When I got broody, it was because I wanted a child. Not because I wanted to be like other people.
Indeed


It's hard to think of anything more biological than the urge to reproduce.

It's kind of bizarre to imagine this is due to peer pressure or fashion.

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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:38 pm

No need to get sensitive about your choices ladies. I am not questioning the basic urge. I'm questioning going crazy about it.

Anyway, so I have uterine fibroids that I would like removed. Will get more info tomorrow. I'm reading up but would like thoughts/opinions/stories, if any. Thanks.

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Re: Random questions

Post by OnTheBall » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:14 pm

txgirl wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:38 pm
No need to get sensitive about your choices ladies. I am not questioning the basic urge. I'm questioning going crazy about it.

Anyway, so I have uterine fibroids that I would like removed. Will get more info tomorrow. I'm reading up but would like thoughts/opinions/stories, if any. Thanks.
Some people grow up thinking of their future family, how many kids they will have, what gender they will be, what they will be like, etc. When they feel the time is upon them and for some reason it isn't happening for them, I guess it is understandable if they go "crazy."

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Re: Random questions

Post by veronica_inheels » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:13 pm

2. i always shower and wash with soap and water. it takes at least an hour between shower and showtime, so i dont worry about the "secretions" being altered by washing.
nope, "freshen up " with a wet cloth is not what i would do for a gyno.

fibroids- i have one. it is 1,5 cm across. they dont remove them txgirl. unless it is the kind that hangs out loose into the uterine cavity and easy to clip. most are inside the uterine wall and are not removable.
how old are you? fibroids are common in middle aged women, they supposedly disappear once in menopause.

i am getting ablation in few days!!!! no more blood pouring out of me as if i was stabbed. couple of stew women did it and seems like a great option.
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Re: Random questions

Post by veronica_inheels » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:29 pm

as to question 1, i dont care. never cared for what society wants me to do. also i have not felt any abstract societal pressures.
do they actually exist? or are they just articles written in women's magazines?

i had a child because i wanted to. as to biological urges, they came in late 30s. always in the spring.April was the month.
once May came around I was safe. besides, i dont like children, i just was feeling like having them once in a while.
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Re: Random questions

Post by leela » Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:18 am

Was anyone sensitive about their choices? I think we simply said that the urge to reproduce is nothing to do with wanting to be like everyone else. It's about as personal and individual as a feeling gets.

All be best with your tests etc.
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:57 am

yes, they can be removed vron.

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Re: Random questions

Post by veronica_inheels » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:13 am

sometimes tx.

here is a good link
https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/health-topics/tv7261
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Re: Random questions

Post by Undertree » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:20 am

1) Some people just want to have kids. Some don't. Just because it's not for you doesn't mean its bad. Just as someone shouldn't judge you for not wanting it, you shouldn't judge others who do. You don't understand it because it's not part of you. That's fine. You don't have to understand it.

2) There is nothing that the gyno hasn't seen, smelled or known about with regards to the human body. Imagine if you were having a medical issue and it was causing odor, but you needed to see the dr. Would you not go because you had the odor?
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:46 am

thanks for the link. pretty much what i knew.

there are two good sized fibroids in my uterus that are pretty much the culprit for my insanely heavy bleeding. i want them out. there is a third. bigger. which is probably causing some issues but not the heavy bleeding so it will stay for now. that one, the dr today said will be more complicated to take out. i didn't even ask for him to expand as i'm more concerned with bleeding at the moment.

i do not want the uterus removal option.

i'll find out more tomorrow from my regular gyno (she didn't do the probing today).

i'm curious though why she didn't. if she can perform surgery, why can't she do test?

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Re: Random questions

Post by Undertree » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:49 am

They should be able to remove the fibriods without removing the uterus.

Good luck.
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:58 am

btw good luck on your ablation vron. i hope it helps with your bleeding. i'm very excited to know that there is a solution to my problem. i can't wait to get this done.

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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:59 am

i'm sorry about the fibroids. i had them. first i had a myomectomy (they're sometimes called myomas) and then later I had to have a hysterectomy because my myoma was so big. both of the operations were unpleasant and pretty big deals, to be honest with you. but i did feel much better afterwards, eventually (but after the myomectomy the fibroids came back after a while). but everyone is different so obvballs you have to talk with your doctor. as you know.

if you have any other specific questions though i'll be happy to try to answer them.

and yeah, i felt like you -- like i wanted them OUT. i understand.

anyway, i did not have the urge to reproduce per se. i had the urge for a baby. i'm just saying.
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:00 am

wasn't there a man who died from an infection that made him smell terrible? but for some reason he couldn't get treatment. it might have something to do with insurance, not smell.

a smelly vagina is just a tad more sensitive than a smelly... knee... for instance.

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Re: Random questions

Post by veronica_inheels » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:39 am

a smelly vagina because you have a seeping infection is different than an unwashed crotch, combined with wiped but unwashed ass to add to the mixture, because you had to shit during the day before your late afternoon appointment.

like an infected smelly tooth is different than un-brushed teeth and morning breath at the dentist.
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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:57 am

It’s not about procreation. It’s about love creation. It’s not biological, it’s logical and emotional.

Most of you love your parents. And, in most cases, your parents love you back even more than you love them!

It’s a huge ball of love that grows ever greater. An unbroken chain that lives on long after your gone.

I would have adopted if we couldn’t have kids. If I was single, I’d get dogs.

As for the genitals- always keep them as fresh as possible. You never know when someone’s going to want to fondle them.
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:00 am

LOL. so where did that urge stem from? biological? ingrained ideals? i categorize strong reaction to baby smells as biological, no?

anyway, how soon after fibroid removal did they grow back? I asked this today but i feel like he didn't answer my question. i will ask my regular dr tomorrow. the likelihood of mine growing back.

There are different ways to perform a myomectomy. what was mentioned today was through vagina, which is quicker recovery. how was yours done dragon?

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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:30 am

Wanting kids is kind of like smoking. You see someone else enjoying a baby and you think you’d like to try having one too.

But, there certainly are biological factors I suppose. “Cuteness” can evoke protective behavior even in animals.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuteness

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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:33 am

I don’t think fibroids grow back per se, they form over time independently.
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Re: Random questions

Post by lolasf » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:23 am

Godjira wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:57 am
It’s not about procreation. It’s about love creation. It’s not biological, it’s logical and emotional.
Really? Are you high or something? Or did I miss a meme?
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Random questions

Post by Godjira » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:49 am

I may be, but that’s neither here nor there.

I guess that most have kids (get married, adopt pets) because they want a little more love in their lives. At least, on a very fundamental level.

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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:33 pm

i don't know, godjira. a lot of people don't want to adopt. i don't think it's just because it's easier and cheaper to create one from scratch.

tx, unfortunately my myomectomy was a long time ago and i don't remember. i feel like it was some sort of half and half thing? my fibroids were big. so they couldn't do it all the vaginal way? i dunno. my hysterectomy was done the worst way possible because my fibroid was the size of a football or a papaya. yep.

there were a few years in between. during which i tried to get pregnant.
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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:44 pm

Dragon, yes, I know, but is it a innate urge or a socially constructed one? I guess it makes sense that there is some natural urge to produce your own child.

I read a theory that claimed that PMS gets worse the longer a woman goes without giving birth, and that the reason is to scare the man away so the woman can find a new man with better sperm.
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Re: Random questions

Post by BeatRaven » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:56 pm

Asking for a friend:

If it doesn't concern you, what do you care?

Oh wait, Undertree already covered it.
Last edited by BeatRaven on Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Random questions

Post by GLimpet » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:57 pm

lolasf wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:23 am
Godjira wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:57 am
It’s not about procreation. It’s about love creation. It’s not biological, it’s logical and emotional.
Really? Are you high or something? Or did I miss a meme?
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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:44 pm

Godjira wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:44 pm
Dragon, yes, I know, but is it a innate urge or a socially constructed one? I guess it makes sense that there is some natural urge to produce your own child.
Sorry; I feel almost pathologically required to state here that when you adopt a kid, he/she IS "your own child."

I'm sure you knew that.
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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:32 am

dragon wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:44 pm
Godjira wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:44 pm
Dragon, yes, I know, but is it a innate urge or a socially constructed one? I guess it makes sense that there is some natural urge to produce your own child.
Sorry; I feel almost pathologically required to state here that when you adopt a kid, he/she IS "your own child."

I'm sure you knew that.
Yes, of course, I thought about that when I wrote it and thought of a way to convey it, which is why I used "produce," but that might be insufficient.
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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:41 am

Heh. I guess I'd say "a natural urge to produce one's biological child." Although the more I look at the word "biological," the weirder it looks. I mean, it's not like MY child is a robot...
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Re: Random questions

Post by Godjira » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:48 am

A child produced with half of one's own genes?

That's a little technical? And not always accurate

In Japan, the woman who carries and gives birth to a child is considered the child's biological mother whether it is the mother's genes or not. That's why people do not use surrogate mothers here.
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Re: Random questions

Post by plumsole » Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:38 am

"produce a child yourself"

An urge I have never had.

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Re: Random questions

Post by shilgia » Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:59 am

I guess I come at this from the other side. I don’t have a strong urge to procreate or otherwise acquire kids, but I imagine that if I did I’d do everything possible to get there, including many rounds of ivf if that’s what it took (and knowing what hell that is from friends who’ve gone through it).

I know one woman who just had a baby from a sperm donor because she really wanted a kid but didn’t have a partner. I do not envy her path at all - I think what she’s doing is really hard and I don’t think I’d ever do it - but at the same time, if I really wanted a kid, I’d probably do the same thing.

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Re: Random questions

Post by ExPat From Hell » Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:38 am

When we think about dying. And we are on our deathbeds, etc. Does it bother you to think that you may die alone?
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Re: Random questions

Post by Scrubb » Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:53 am

When I was a kid I was absolutely positive by the time I was 18 or so that I wanted kids and had already decided that if I got to my mid 30s and didn't have a partner, I'd have a kid on my own. I planned/hoped to have several kids and planned to adopt some of them.

I have to say, though, that I never had the biological urge. It was just about having a kid/kids - I love kids. But when it became apparent that it wasn't going to work out for me to have any (home made or otherwise) it didn't devastate me.
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Re: Random questions

Post by txgirl » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:44 pm

I have a lot of thoughts on the responses above but I’ve been busy and when not busy my mind is on my firbroids but I do want to respond! Give me time!

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Re: Random questions

Post by Higgs Bossom » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:29 pm

ExPat From Hell wrote:
Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:38 am
When we think about dying. And we are on our deathbeds, etc. Does it bother you to think that you may die alone?
Have you ever seen anyone die? I can assure you, everyone dies alone. Even if 15 people are standing around your deathbed.

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Re: Random questions

Post by dragon » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:31 pm

i definitely was not thinking about dying when i was crying all the time because i couldn't have a baby. well, not in the way you mean.
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