Pregnancy as a trap

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dragon
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by dragon » Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:50 pm

We tried it once for about three minutes.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by veronica_inheels » Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:56 pm

quite frankly i am pretty immune to kids crying. and when it is other people's kids i just want to shut them up.

toddlers crying and having tantrums - i want to kick them.


babies cry just about everything, shit, no shit, boredom, comfort, sleep, no sleep etc...not like older kids when it is about physical or emotional pain. so after checking the vitals (food, hotness, shit, emotional need to be held) i was ok with letting mine cry for a bit.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:02 pm

When our son was quite young we definitely attended to him if he started crying. At that stage they're generally only crying for good reason and you shouldn't let them "cry it out". Neglected babies stop crying much eventually because they've learned crying doesn't do anything. These days it depends how long he cries for, but if it's more than a minute or two we'll go in there. He woke up crying from a nightmare last night, but put himself back to sleep about a minute later.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:04 pm

Flora wrote:I remembered something else - what is considered 'through the night' is 6 hours in this country. I consider 'through the night' to be 7.30 - 7.30. She does it now, but had to get better at eating enough first. Was waking for milk until about 19 months.


https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep/page/0/1

By six months of age, nighttime feedings are usually not necessary and many infants sleep through the night; 70-80 percent will do so by nine months of age. Infants typically sleep 9-12 hours during the night and take 30 minute to two-hour naps, one to four times a day – fewer as they reach age one.


Not sure why babies in the UK would be such worse sleepers.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by veronica_inheels » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:15 pm

as mutha pointed out, babies have to learn how to take care of their needs too. not as in neglect but let them cry and see if they can go back to sleep on their own.
but if you let this go for months and years even- they dont learn and depend on the parents and demand it.
a few months old baby had sleeping disturbances- but a 1 or 2 year old has behavioral issues.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Lime_Pickle » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:41 pm

As far as I know my six nieces and nephews have all slept through the night from about 6 months (younger in the cases of the eldest). And I mean from (say) 7 or 8pm to 6 or 7am the next morning. Maybe it's genetic?
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Stephen_Dedalus » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:46 pm

I slept through the night and was a quiet kid.

My sister was completely the opposite, but she had epilepsy before having an operation.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by eric84 » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:20 pm

muthafunky wrote:
Flora wrote:I remembered something else - what is considered 'through the night' is 6 hours in this country. I consider 'through the night' to be 7.30 - 7.30. She does it now, but had to get better at eating enough first. Was waking for milk until about 19 months.


https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep/page/0/1

By six months of age, nighttime feedings are usually not necessary and many infants sleep through the night; 70-80 percent will do so by nine months of age. Infants typically sleep 9-12 hours during the night and take 30 minute to two-hour naps, one to four times a day – fewer as they reach age one.


Not sure why babies in the UK would be such worse sleepers.


So, yeah, sleeping through the night at 9 months not 6. That's the experience I saw.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by erkat » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:31 pm

jessica_fletcher wrote:
I wonder what the average age of children when parents split up?


From a parenting group I was involved in it seems that quite a few people split up before the oldest child even started school. But they were the ones were the woman had worked out after having the first child that the relationship was doomed and wasn't going to work out. They then went ahead to have another child not to repair the relationship but because it seemed that two kids was some magical number fixed in their head. And then either during the pregnancy or after the birth of the second kid announced their separation, which it seems everyone but the actual partner was expecting.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:38 pm

erkat wrote:From a parenting group I was involved in it seems that quite a few people split up before the oldest child even started school. But they were the ones were the woman had worked out after having the first child that the relationship was doomed and wasn't going to work out. They then went ahead to have another child not to repair the relationship but because it seemed that two kids was some magical number fixed in their head. And then either during the pregnancy or after the birth of the second kid announced their separation, which it seems everyone but the actual partner was expecting.


Ya. I think not so much "magical number" but "damnit, I want a 2nd full sibling and with the one already on board father (financial and time), and gosh finding someone else who wants to share this might be time-consuming and complicated."

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by nycfellow » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:39 pm

I liked this thread better when it was all gossipy.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by leela » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:40 pm

nycfellow wrote:I liked this thread better when it was all gossipy.

x2
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by erkat » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:47 pm

Chip_Oatley wrote:
erkat wrote:From a parenting group I was involved in it seems that quite a few people split up before the oldest child even started school. But they were the ones were the woman had worked out after having the first child that the relationship was doomed and wasn't going to work out. They then went ahead to have another child not to repair the relationship but because it seemed that two kids was some magical number fixed in their head. And then either during the pregnancy or after the birth of the second kid announced their separation, which it seems everyone but the actual partner was expecting.


Ya. I think not so much "magical number" but "damnit, I want a 2nd full sibling and with the one already on board father (financial and time), and gosh finding someone else who wants to share this might be time-consuming and complicated."


For sure.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:14 pm

I googled and first thing i found said average age was 9 yrs old.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Flora » Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:39 pm

So basically, babies are different. Who'da thought.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Scrubb » Sun Jan 08, 2017 6:21 am

I don't think the "cry it out" sleep training is a thing that one generation all did, and then the new generation didn't. It's been done by some people in every generation. I don't have kids, but I babysat lots, and was involved in putting babies to bed literally 100s of times. The worst babysitting experience of my life was when I was told they were "cry it out" sleep training, and after I put the baby in bed I shouldn't pick her up again. They said they'd just started the night before and she'd cried for nearly an hour.

So, I tried. And she (about 6 months old) screamed and wailed and screamed and wailed and screamed and wailed and screamed and wailed. She was hysterical. I tried to just put my hand on her to calm her and it did nothing. After 45 minutes or so i couldn't bear it any more and was worried she was dehydrating from all the tears; but when I picked her up she was just too distraught - all the cuddling/rocking/patting/snuggling I tried did nothing and she kept screaming full bore.

After a half hour or so I put her back in her bed and she screamed another half hour or so, before finally falling asleep from sheer exhaustion. The poor little thing. I would have never ever agreed to do that again, had anyone asked.

My normal instinct while babysitting was to wait till the baby cried for a few minutes before picking them up, in case they re-settled, but not more than that.

My best friend did the sleep training when her first was about 9 months old and although she found it really difficult the first night when the baby cried for nearly 15 minutes, but the second night it was less than 2 minutes and the third night it was about 30 seconds.

So yeah, it doesn't work for all babies.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by temporaryhandle2 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:50 am

I can't understand the cry it out thing. To me it's just like programming a baby's neurons to tell them that they are alone in life. Babies cry for a reason.
Last edited by temporaryhandle2 on Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by temporaryhandle2 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:52 am

Stephen_Dedalus wrote:I slept through the night and was a quiet kid.

My sister was completely the opposite, but she had epilepsy before having an operation.


I was an easy child too. My sister was a nightmare.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by temporaryhandle2 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:01 am

Oh and on the pregnancy as a trap thing. I told JHW's father very early in our relationship that I wanted a child. We had lots of discussions and he agreed to having one. He asked me to marry him.

When I fell pregnant 18 months later, he went balistic, accused me of treating him as a sperm bank and generally made life so awful that I left him. I guess that way he could justify his behaviour. I don't know.

People can be shits. Male and female.

ETA Bringing up a child totally on your own and working full time as well is incredibly hard, but my pride would not allow me to claim anything from a man so lacking in honour.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:17 pm

temporaryhandle2 wrote:Oh and on the pregnancy as a trap thing. I told JHW's father very early in our relationship that I wanted a child. We had lots of discussions and he agreed to having one. He asked me to marry him.

When I fell pregnant 18 months later, he went balistic, accused me of treating him as a sperm bank and generally made life so awful that I left him. I guess that way he could justify his behaviour. I don't know.

People can be shits. Male and female.

ETA Bringing up a child totally on your own and working full time as well is incredibly hard, but my pride would not allow me to claim anything from a man so lacking in honour.


What a complete wankbag. You're well rid.

As for the crying out thing. I think it works. I think most babies know if they cry mother will appear. Its the earliest thing they learn and no they certainly dont always cry for a reason. But I think they should learn to self soothe also. I wouldnt be able to cope with a baby crying hysterically like Scrubb experienced but the parents should never have put that on her.

But it did happen one night when second niece was 9 months old. SIL assured me she was sleeping thru the night. Not for me. I went in, didnt turn on the lights and just picked her up and rubbed her head as instructed. Didnt make a sound. She knew I wasnt mummy, she can smell mummy. SIL said afterwards I should have put on her dressing gown. I bet it would have worked. Anyhoo the next hr and half involved her screaming so hard she puked, once while on her back as I was changing her so she started choking. She pushed me away when I tried to hold her. There was liderally nothing to be done to soothe her. I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I had to pull them out of their expensive dinner.

She cried and cried and screamed and soon as mummy arrived the little witch gave her a huge grin and magically stopped. Immediately. I handed her over and ran out the back trying to light a cig with shaking hands. It was the worst baby experience I'd ever had. After approx. 2 minutes baby back asleep, not a friggin bother on her. SIL came down pissing herself laughing. I told her I was making an appointment that week to get tubes tied.

Apart from that all 3 of them have been the best babies and kids ever. Brother stopped SIL running in every time the first one whimpered and it worked. But I can totally understand the parental instinct to run to them each time. However, a friend has 2 boys who she did that with and they're now 5 and 6 and I think she aint had a full nights sleep since the day they were born.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:30 pm

Gossip update, well not really more a query for the blokes: He still hasnt mentioned to my 3 bros, all of whom he talks to regularly cos: fantasy football league, that he is even seeing her let alone that she is preggers. I know men dont really discuss such shit but like, seriously??

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by nycfellow » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:34 pm

Aren't these the brothers who previously wanted to beat him up for sleeping with her? That might be a disincentive for open communication.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:40 pm

nycfellow wrote:Aren't these the brothers who previously wanted to beat him up for sleeping with her? That might be a disincentive for open communication.


Nope, my brothers. Her brothers wanted to beat him up.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:47 pm

Barbarella wrote:Gossip update, well not really more a query for the blokes: He still hasnt mentioned to my 3 bros, all of whom he talks to regularly cos: fantasy football league, that he is even seeing her let alone that she is preggers. I know men dont really discuss such shit but like, seriously??



Relationships don't come up much among the guys I hang out with. Doesn't sound odd to me at all.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:55 pm

Fack you're all such bloody weirdos.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:32 pm

How far along is she in her pregnancy?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by nettie » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:19 pm

I love a good Babs gossip thread.

My ex accused me of getting pregnant on purpose. I never wanted to have kids, so that was a pretty crazy accusation.

Flora- nettie_jr was the easiest, most delightful baby on earth, and is a miserable bitch as a teen, so your theory holds up.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by SeamusMcCool » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:44 am

EMG wrote:
Barbarella wrote:Gossip update, well not really more a query for the blokes: He still hasnt mentioned to my 3 bros, all of whom he talks to regularly cos: fantasy football league, that he is even seeing her let alone that she is preggers. I know men dont really discuss such shit but like, seriously??



Relationships don't come up much among the guys I hang out with. Doesn't sound odd to me at all.


Yeah, same here and I'm generally not comfortable talking about a friend's girlfriend/wife with him in a drinking/social/fantasy sports kind of situation. Just to risky that you might say the wrong thing and wind up in a feud, getting punched or whatever. It's just better to leave the partner talk to how's so and so? Is she enjoying her new job? And then move on with the evening.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Klara » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:12 am

I was at the NYE party with my ex and some of our friends. His girlfriend was working that night, so he went to see her after dinner. A guy he goes cycling with fairly regularly asked me where he was going. To see his girlfriend, I said. The guy (and several other people, it turned out later) had no idea what I was talking about. They've been together for two and a half years.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by SeamusMcCool » Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:37 am

It's never been to that extreme with my friends we definitely know if we're in a relationship and with who but it's not talked about much amongst us. I find that to be the norm amongst guys.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:44 pm

Yah I dunno, the boys were all down t'pub together over chrimbo when stuff like that would usually get spilled, not the pregnancy but the fact he's seeing her. He was quiet, can understand not mentioning the pregnancy but still this aint just someone getting with someone...everyone knows and is friends with everyone since children growing up on the same street and have stayed friends as adults. Weddings/christenings/birthdays/funerals etc. all attended by some or all. We all went to Italy for her older brothers wedding a few years back is one example. Its a fairly tight knit group tbh.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by DCComic » Mon Jan 09, 2017 1:27 pm

Hard to imagine a mate going out with someone and it not being obvious, unless she's the type that doesn't actually want to go out. Which can't exist.

Though it took me yonks to cotton on to who was shagging the au pair.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Kikilamour » Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:43 pm

i find it weird that men don't talk about who they're seeing. i don't think all men are like that though. my vet guy has told his best guy friend and his vet technician and I met his kids.

it'll be interesting to see if her preggersness comes to light soon. i wonder what her brothers are going to say.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:54 pm

If I meet a guy friend and he's with a girl he's dating he'll generally introduce her as his girlfriend, but it would be weird if I were out alone with one of my guy friends and he just randomly started telling me that he's dating someone. I'm not even sure what my reply would be. "Congratulations"?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:58 pm

muthafunky wrote:How far along is she in her pregnancy?



I think 9 weeks, cited earlier somewhere in this thread. He should be handing out candy cigars.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Mon Jan 09, 2017 6:37 pm

That's a bit early to be telling everyone you're pregnant. Miscarriages still a real possibility at that point and there could be health issues that aren't uncovered until 12 week ultasound. Though I suppose in Ireland you can't get an abortion for those reasons.

Anyway, doesn't sound so odd to not tell all your friends your gf is pregnant at 9 weeks.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by tortuga » Mon Jan 09, 2017 6:45 pm

Or he's just in total denial about the whole thing. Suddenly having a relationship and a kid on the way is a pretty big thing to wrap your head around, especially if it isn't what you wanted. I don't think I'd be casually chatting about it to friends at this point either.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:06 pm

EMG wrote:If I meet a guy friend and he's with a girl he's dating he'll generally introduce her as his girlfriend, but it would be weird if I were out alone with one of my guy friends and he just randomly started telling me that he's dating someone. I'm not even sure what my reply would be. "Congratulations"?


Le sigh.

I reiterate for the 156 millionth time: If it were equivalent to my story, you would know HER as well as you know HIM. So she would probably already have told you. If you were then out with him, you wouldnt think it odd he didnt mention it? And you wouldnt say it to him? Is that right?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:11 pm

So I have a good female friend and she tells me she's dating one of my good male friends, then I hang out with my good male friend and he doesn't happen to mention it, why do I care? It doesn't involve me, it's not my life, if he feels like telling me he would.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:21 pm

Hhhhmmm sounds kinda self absorbed tbh. Guess your convos must consist of the "enough about me, what do YOU think about me?" variety right? I mean news is news. If I have news of any kind, good/bad/indifferent I tell me good mates. And vice versa. Good friends of mine wouldnt feel the need to conceal stuff like that. Cos we're mates see? Perhaps you should re-evaluate what a good friend is.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:24 pm

Maybe eMG has never had the like of a good friend? I know the kind you mean, from childhood, almost family.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:27 pm

:roll: Women. Nosy and prying.

I let my friends tell me what they feel like talking about. I don't force the conversation so I can know juicy gossip.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:29 pm

I pity you.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:30 pm

No I get what Babs means. Its people to confide in,more than just hang out, share your life worries,happy joys with. Friends. Close friends. People you've know for decades. They know you.


Not everyone has had these type of freinds.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Stan In Maryland » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:31 pm

I don't think it is nosy, prying or gossip necessarily, but I do think there are different topics that men are likely to discuss with their friends than women. As a man he might have shared that he had sex with her, but considering the complications I think he is less likely to because he doesn't want to have all the follow up about what is now going on.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:31 pm

Barbarella wrote:I pity you.


I pity your 'friends' who you feel owe you information about their personal lives so you can go tell it to others.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by EMG » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:32 pm

Stan In Maryland wrote:As a man he might have shared that he had sex with her, but considering the complications I think he is less likely to because he doesn't want to have all the follow up about what is now going on.



Agreed.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:34 pm

Yeah Jess I think I feel quite blessed now actually. This whole threads just a mahoosive humblebrag apparently!!

Owe me information? Yeah I supposed I shouldnt have leant my knee on her neck so hard. My bad.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Moethebartender » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:49 pm

jessica_fletcher wrote:No I get what Babs means. Its people to confide in,more than just hang out, share your life worries,happy joys with. Friends. Close friends. People you've know for decades. They know you.


Not everyone has had these type of freinds.


Hmm... Now that I think about it, I don't have any super close friends I've known for decades that I consider "slappers" or "lazy cows". Apparently, I've never had a "good friend". I feel empty inside now. Thanks.
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 12:05 pm

Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:54 pm

Nice spreadsheeting. We've called each other slappers and lazy cows plenty of times.

Yis just dontgeddit.

Thats cool, stop crying.

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