Pregnancy as a trap

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Troll_Handle
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Troll_Handle » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:08 pm

My friend was caught out with a long term girlfriend, I think they'd been together a year or so and he'd always been clear that he didn't want any kids ever. He was angry, because he knew she'd done it deliberately, but they've stayed together. She admitted it to us some years later, she'd become our friend too by then, context being that she didn't think he'd ever forgive her if she had a second one. Seems to me that he's still holding a grudge and E is 7 now. I'm sure he'll stick it out until E is 18, but after that I don't know if he'll stay with R. Which is a shame if so, as she's really very nice. Apart from doing that one despicable thing. I thought it was awful at the time, but it's kind of hard to still think badly of somebody so many years later.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:12 pm

If he was that adamant about not wanting kids he should've worn a condom or had a vasectomy.

Her lying is despicable, what a cunt.

Poor kid
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by leela » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:13 pm

If he knew he never wanted any kids, ever, why did he not have the snip, or at least wear a condom? Again, she was the one in the wrong, but if a guy feels that strongly, he should double the protection, because accidents happen.
Why would anyone leave contraception to the woman if he felt that strongly about not ever being a father?

Oh. Jess got there first.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Troll_Handle » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:16 pm

Few people wear a condom in a long term relationship. Her lying was despicable, it wasn't a question of hurrying things along, it's just not what he ever wanted. E isn't a poor kid though, she's very well loved by both parents, they're still together and mostly happy.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:18 pm

'Mostly happy'

That was resentment deep down in his soul and like it or not it'll be aimed at E as well as her mother at some point.

Poor kid comment stands.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by leela » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:19 pm

But he was the one who vehemently didn't want kids. So why would he not be the one to take responsibility for not having them? I genuinely don't get it.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:22 pm

Yes, I totally agree. Its the exact same situation as my friend. He happily passed the responsibility to prevent babies to someone else, opppsie! Baby arrived 8 years ago and he's been miserable ever since.
Interestingly he takes no responsibility for it. Says its all her fault.

Massive case of tough titties
Last edited by jessica_fletcher on Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Troll_Handle » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:23 pm

I seriously doubt that Jesd, he dotes on E. As I said though, I suspect he'll call it in once E leaves home. I haven't seen him since last summer though, maybe he finally got over it.

Leela - he thought she was on the pill. His two previous long term girlfriends are friends of mine, they both knew he didn't want kids. So he didn't snip, maybe he regretted that later, but that's a big decision no? I can't see that many men would decide that easily.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:26 pm

I think concretely making the decision to not have kids is the difficult part, having the op is easy. If you're that adamant.

Of course he'll treat that kid well but I guarantee he's resented her, the life he could've had, money etc etc wether or not he shares that publicly is another matter.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Kikilamour » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:26 pm

i agree with leela.

i've had arguments with genuinely nice men who still think it's ultimately the responsibility of women to worry about contraception. because you know, they are the ones left holding the bomb.

but ya, i can see if it's a long term thing, you let condoms slide, especially it was never an issue or there was no reason to feel suspicious. mrkiki refused to get the snip because he thought it would hurt or that i dunno, it reduced his manhood. so, it was shitty condoms or me on the pill for 14 years. or me get the procedure, which is way more invasive than the snip.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by nycfellow » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:32 pm

Seriously, what's so hard about wearing a condom? And it's a safety issue too.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Kikilamour » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:34 pm

it's not hard, but it's awkward and stoppy and it can kill and erection or reduce sensation.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by nycfellow » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:36 pm

I don't know. Never killed one of my erections. Maybe a little awkward, but not much once you've had practice. Unless it's one of those goddamn Japanese condoms in Asia. Those things are tiny.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:44 pm

Kikilamour wrote:it's not hard, but it's awkward and stoppy and it can kill and erection or reduce sensation.



which is tiny compared to pumping your body full of hornones.

Gah!
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:47 pm

I've never been in a long term relationship that stuck with condoms, but I'd be willing if that's really what a gf wanted. They never did.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:48 pm

No, we're talking about if the man never wanted children.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:55 pm

If I truly never wanted kids I would get the snip.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Andrea1 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:56 pm

muthafunky wrote:I've never been in a long term relationship that stuck with condoms, but I'd be willing if that's really what a gf wanted. They never did.


And if they'd have got pregnant?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:01 am

Then they would have gotten pregnant.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Andrea1 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:02 am

Why?
And, how would you have viewed your part in it?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:22 am

My part would have been providing the sperm that contributed to the pregnancy.

I have no idea what you're getting at.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by DCComic » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:28 am

leela wrote:But he was the one who vehemently didn't want kids. So why would he not be the one to take responsibility for not having them? I genuinely don't get it.


It probably did occur to him that anybody could use the life of a third party that way. Naivety.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by leela » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:36 am

I just find it odd, that men (who have no choices when it comes to what happens to a pregnancy) are prepared to leave contraception to the women. If I didn't have the choice to become un-pregnant, I'd be incredibly cautious, and want to be in control of contraception.

Last I heard, when women were polled about whether they'd leave contraception to men if there was a male pill, few would.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:57 am

I think the whole idea of a baby being the woman's responsibility plus if they split up them being primary care giver seems to resolve many men to not caring as much as they should.
Kiki summed it up earlier, the old passing of the bomb.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Andrea1 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:58 am

Sex makes babies. Including Unplanned ones. I really wouldnt be surprised if unplanned ones were the greater. When/if couples have the conversation what if I/we get pregnant, interests me.

I would have been prepared to have an abortion, I never got pregnant. I would have taken the man's opinion on board, but ultimately, it would have been my choice. Not his. He'd still have responsibilities though.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:02 am

BTW, any man who thinks he's untraceable after impregnating a woman isn't paying attention to the advances and availability in DNA testing.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:19 am

leela wrote:I just find it odd, that men (who have no choices when it comes to what happens to a pregnancy) are prepared to leave contraception to the women. If I didn't have the choice to become un-pregnant, I'd be incredibly cautious, and want to be in control of contraception.

Last I heard, when women were polled about whether they'd leave contraception to men if there was a male pill, few would.


Part of the problem is there aren't really any contraception options for men other than condoms which most people of both genders don't like. Condoms always had a certain timespan on them for me, until both of us were at a comfortable level of trust in discussing STDs and contraception. Can't really imagine being in a relationship for years and not trusting my partner to be honest about contraception. Not that any birth control can't fail, but to think that someone would be as deceptive as the folks being discussed in this thread.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by muthafunky » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:22 am

jessica_fletcher wrote:I think the whole idea of a baby being the woman's responsibility plus if they split up them being primary care giver seems to resolve many men to not caring as much as they should.
Kiki summed it up earlier, the old passing of the bomb.


I'm not sure I believe that, I remember horror stories from when we were younger of guys who got a girl pregnant, they split up (or were never together to begin with) and suddenly they had a kid and ex they had to pay child support for 18 years for and on top of it didn't really have a relationship with the kid. Accidentally getting someone pregnant, especially outside of a committed relationship, was a big worry.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by veronica_inheels » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:27 am

muthafunky wrote:Condoms always had a certain timespan on them for me, until both of us were at a comfortable level of trust in discussing STDs and contraception. Can't really imagine being in a relationship for years and not trusting my partner to be honest about contraception. Not that any birth control can't fail, but to think that someone would be as deceptive as the folks being discussed in this thread.


what he said.

and in terms of control, i kind of feel sorry for men in that regard. they cant control being a father or not when a woman wants to "speed things up" or feels the bio clock.

thats why that new injection is going to change power in relationships. lots of men will just be infertile by choice and women will not be able to do anything about it.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:29 am

On a DNA-related forum, I've seen a lot of instances of bio dads being discovered by DNA (an example of how this happens is his 2nd cousin tested to get ethnicity info, and the 'kid' does a lot of legwork to connect the dots), and being *thrilled* to find out they have adult offspring; in many cases, they had no idea or weren't sure they had impregnated a woman back in the day.

In many cases, the women aren't even sure (or flat out were wrong) about who got them pregnant. It's all very interesting.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by eric84 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:37 am

Well, if she keeps asking if you want to kids and you say no, you may anticipate what happens next.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Kikilamour » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:33 am

i think it's a great idea for men to get a sperm killing injection. takes the load off us.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:40 am

Kikilamour wrote:i think it's a great idea for men to get a sperm killing injection. takes the load off us.


Heh.

I remember when we picked up my dad at the hospital after his snip. My parents were really open about it all.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by DCComic » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:43 am

There'll be a new kind of cruel relationship lie when men who have made themselves infertile don't confess that to women.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by dragon » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:46 am

I would never have just trusted a guy who said he'd gotten the injection though.
She is a great-kneed person.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:48 am

DCComic wrote:There'll be a new kind of cruel relationship lie when men who have made themselves infertile don't confess that to women.


Huh?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by DCComic » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:49 am

Huh what?

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:54 am

Men "making themselves infertile" is not new, and as we have established in this thread, they're not shy about sharing the news.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by fishface » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:56 am

DCComic wrote:There'll be a new kind of cruel relationship lie when men who have made themselves infertile don't confess that to women.


True. As it is I think some people (either sex) string their partners along for too long when it comes to children and getting pregnant. I have seen it with friends and in most cases the relationships broke down with some residual anger at the other person.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:58 am

I disagree with agreeing "true" with candy, but I agree that people sometimes dick around with their partner re babies.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by veronica_inheels » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:22 am

dragon wrote:I would never have just trusted a guy who said he'd gotten the injection though.




reminds me of my guy. he said he had vasectomy and i said "prove it", he said "how?"
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by SeamusMcCool » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:39 am

Kikilamour wrote:guys are equally responsible if they don't wear a sploodge bag, is the difference, emg.


I respectfully can't agree with that. A guy isn't blameless but to purposely lie that you are on the pill or fixed in order to trap a man into a lifelong commitment with a child is a vile loathsome act towards not just the man (or woman) but also the child. The last thing we need in this world is another kid raised by a bitter/uninterested parent.

As adults it is the norm to trust partners in long term relationships. I am less sympathetic to a guy who gets "trapped" on a one night stand or somebody he recently met or having a casual relationship but most of the blame falls on the liar in a long term relationship, male or female. The other one not being on the pill or wearing a condom gets a much smaller piece of the blame pie.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by leela » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:50 am

most of the blame falls on the liar in a long term relationship, male or female. The other one not being on the pill or wearing a condom gets a much smaller piece of the blame


That's fair. Though if one person was vehemently opposed to having children, I'd expect them to take some personal responsibility for the practicalities of avoiding the situation. It doesn't lessen the blame on the liar, but realistically, mistakes happen, and if I was the one most opposed to procreating, I'd not trust any one single method of contraception, especially if I wasn't the one having to remember to take/use it efficiently.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Klara » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:03 pm

SeamusMcCool wrote:(...)to purposely lie that you are on the pill or fixed in order to trap a man into a lifelong commitment with a child is a vile loathsome act towards not just the man (or woman) but also the child. The last thing we need in this world is another kid raised by a bitter/uninterested parent.


Families fall apart even if they had a good start. Starting off with about a 5% chance for success seems very irresponsible.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by SeamusMcCool » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:26 pm

That's true Leela and I've known a couple of guys (including one public figure) who talked openly about always wearing a condom even after marriage because they didn't want kids.

I'd also like to point out that it's unfair (it seems to be the same few) for posters to attack Babs for sharing these human interest stories. The most common accusation is she's nosy or not minding her own business but my general impression is that of observer in real life and reporter on here. It's provided us 5 pages of entertaining discussion and that is the norm when she shares some drama she's been privy too or caught up in. The kind of stuff that makes this place fun and interesting as it is a discussion board.

Nice to see wildflower back again.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Klara » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:41 pm

SeamusMcCool wrote:That's true Leela and I've known a couple of guys (including one public figure) who talked openly about always wearing a condom even after marriage because they didn't want kids.

My Italian ex always pulled out eventhough I was using nuvaring (after we'd both been tested) because one of his ex girfriends got pregnant and had an abortion twice while she was on the pill. He thinks he has supersperm, but he probably just has a very forgetful ex girlfriend.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Barbarella » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:44 pm

Oh gawd, three more pages?

**lies down**

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by jessica_fletcher » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:10 pm

Pulling out is also not a good form of contraception.

Add it to the can't get pregnant after my period list.
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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Klara » Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:13 pm

Yes, and it's also a bit unnecessary if you're using the NuvaRing.

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Re: Pregnancy as a trap

Post by Chip_Oatley » Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:15 pm

Klara wrote:Yes, and it's also a bit unnecessary if you're using the NuvaRing.


It's also annoying

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