Best versus Worst age to move kids.

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section8
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Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by section8 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 7:52 pm

In your experience as Parents, when do you think are the best and worst ages to move kids across long distances for purposes of permanent resettlement?

Super young seems like an easy age to move about, but what about during the school years?

Please share your experiences.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Klara » Sun Mar 11, 2018 7:59 pm

I'd say before they hit puberty.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by simon_in_exile » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:14 pm

10 months was easy, 2 years 9 months was fine, 5 years 8 months was ok but a few headaches, and I think summer 2019 will work OK, at 9 years 10 months. It will get worse after that - I’d like us to be settled in one place for at least from 13 to 19 years old. All moves so far have involved starting the new place at the beginning of the school year, which helped. Some of the other kids in the class are internationally mobile, which also helps. Oddly, never having lived in the UK helps too, as there isn’t as firm a base to get homesick for.
The kids who’ve started midyear in my daughter’s class have found it tougher to settle.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by k2w3 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:24 pm

We moved home to NZ from UK when kids were 8 and 5. Helped we were heading "home" even though it wasn't for them, but at least family were waiting. Wouldn't do it beyond 12-14.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Flora » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:29 pm

From a school perspective, all depends on child obviously, but try for beginning of school year.

We've decided to move somewhere we can be for the 6/7 years of primary school. Ie, in the next 6 - 12 months.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by guruwil » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:30 pm

People do it, but I think once settled into high school is tough. Our last move was when our kids were 11 and 8 and it went pretty well all things considered. I have actively resisted attempts to make me move since then, youngest one will finish high school this year and then I am open to moving again.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by muthafunky » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:40 pm

The older they are the worse it is

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by mishmish » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:44 pm

I agree with all of above: Before puberty and before start of new school year. 11-18/19 should include no rocking boats.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by section8 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:47 pm

My kids are 7 and 9. If we do a big move now, it would probably require another big move in 3 or so years after. I think I'm more concerned about the further years than the immediate.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Chip_Oatley » Sun Mar 11, 2018 9:55 pm

Changing schools at 11--public with kids I'd known most of my life, to private and single-sex, was tough for me. But, my parents also turned down a couple of moves while I was in high school "for the kids" and I think those moves would have been more than fine (because--better job, less financial and time burden of the old homestead, broader horizons).

Where you'll end up and why, as a family and in your careers, is another factor to consider.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Scrubb » Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:49 pm

I think it does depend on the kid, too. We moved a few times when my sister was in school, but before I was. She found it really difficult even though she was only in grade 2, I think, for the last move. They were all mid-year moves, though, so that might have made it harder than if it was at the start of a school year.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by temporaryhandle2 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:54 pm

I changed schools every two years or so right up until I was in Year 8. Don't know that it mattered all that much.

My son has lived in the one place his whole life. The impact of his Autism and his interactions with his biological father and my family have had a pretty traumatic affect on him.

Intergenerational stuff- the things we absorb or experience - and genetics seem to be more important.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by mad hatter » Mon Mar 12, 2018 12:05 am

we did 18 mnths and 3.5yrs then at 3.5 years and 5.5 years. no majors.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by veronica_inheels » Mon Mar 12, 2018 12:38 am

Mine was 11 when we moved cities. . She started Grade 7, year of elementary in the new city.So she went to grade 8 (first year of high school) with bunch of friends she already made. She loved her years here.
She will be emancipated and moving at 20 to her new condo, possibly with her boyfriend or maybe also a friend. It's in two years.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by GLimpet » Mon Mar 12, 2018 12:42 am

temporaryhandle2 wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:54 pm
I changed schools every two years or so right up until I was in Year 8. Don't know that it mattered all that much.

My son has lived in the one place his whole life. The impact of his Autism and his interactions with his biological father and my family have had a pretty traumatic affect on him.

Intergenerational stuff- the things we absorb or experience - and genetics seem to be more important.
Interesting.

I always figured that teenagers would be the hardest to move.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by dBrother » Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:00 am

moved house/country/state and school at 9, 11, 13, and 14, and I turned out OK...
.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by matt_melb » Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:15 am

If we're going to generalise, then I don't see why I shouldn't get into gender stereotypes here...

Boys manage at any age.

Girls go through a patch around 12-14 when they get super-sensitive to changes in friendship groups, and struggle at that point.

Overlaying that - it all depends on personality. One family I'm close to (not my kids) moved around a lot when all were young; 3 of them are more vibrant and interesting people because of it; the other is totally fucked up. Of course that one blames the parents, but I don't see it that way.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by temporaryhandle2 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 2:11 am

GLimpet wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 12:42 am
temporaryhandle2 wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:54 pm
I changed schools every two years or so right up until I was in Year 8. Don't know that it mattered all that much.

My son has lived in the one place his whole life. The impact of his Autism and his interactions with his biological father and my family have had a pretty traumatic affect on him.

Intergenerational stuff- the things we absorb or experience - and genetics seem to be more important.
Interesting.

I always figured that teenagers would be the hardest to move.
Perhaps they are. I wasn't given a choice, so I just had to deal with it. No way would my father have sacrificed career, money, more opportunity etc etc for the whole of his family, to one sulky teenager.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by northern_goddess » Mon Mar 12, 2018 2:43 am

Who cares? Strap them to the top of the station wagon and drive south!
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by rider5 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 2:52 am

Babies are highly sensitive to changes in geographic locations while teenagers can easily adjust.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by muthafunky » Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:05 am

dBrother wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:00 am
moved house/country/state and school at 9, 11, 13, and 14, and I turned out OK...
Well that’s one way to scare s8 into never moving again.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by northern_goddess » Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:06 am

muthafunky wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:05 am
dBrother wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:00 am
moved house/country/state and school at 9, 11, 13, and 14, and I turned out OK...
Well that’s one way to scare s8 into never moving again.
Hehe
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by dBrother » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:24 am

Like fishin innit..
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by madmonday » Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:03 am

dBrother wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:24 am
Like fishin innit..
Nice fish...

If you can move them pre high school, if high school then no later than 12-13 years of age....or have a bigstick or whip to deal with there shit.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Homerj » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:18 pm

Moved at 6 no big deal.
Moved at 11 wasn't so bad.
Moved at 17 or maybe I was 16 can't remember...that sucked balls.
Was the new kid for the last year of h/s.
Thank god I could play sports, or it would have sucked about 100x worse.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by eric84 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:22 pm

It depends too on how often you move. If you're a military family and pick up stakes every couple of years, kids adjust. If you do one big move and you wait til they're 16, well, that could be interesting. Social media does help somewhat in keeping in touch with old friends.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Homerj » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:28 pm

I moved every 5 years Eric (not sure if thats frequent enough) but it was different every time.
I just wish my folks had left me at the same h/s to graduate with all my friends.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by muthafunky » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:35 pm

Though military kids get used to moving, they don't generally seem to like it.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Stan In Maryland » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:43 pm

Growing up we moved about every 5 years. The only one that I found difficult was when I was finishing 7th grade. Had to leave behind the first love of my life (she was not equally enamored so I doubt she minded). It may also have had to do with where we moved as it was a very non-transient area so all the kids had pretty much gone to school together since they were in kindergarten. It was tough but I survived and I am not an axe murderer, yet. I do think trying to avoid moving during the school year is important.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by simon_in_exile » Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:08 pm

section8 wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:47 pm
My kids are 7 and 9. If we do a big move now, it would probably require another big move in 3 or so years after. I think I'm more concerned about the further years than the immediate.
In which case now is a good time to do it, should also be ok for another big move in 3-4 years’ time, but would not be ideal if you left it much later than that.

Is this the Washingrizonawai’i move?
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by veronica_inheels » Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:20 pm

Section, I seem to remember you periodically post about moving. For years. Hawaii, then Oregon or Phoenix ( can't really remember)
Is that just a musing post again? Or why can't you move already?
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by section8 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:40 pm

simon_in_exile wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:08 pm
section8 wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:47 pm
My kids are 7 and 9. If we do a big move now, it would probably require another big move in 3 or so years after. I think I'm more concerned about the further years than the immediate.
In which case now is a good time to do it, should also be ok for another big move in 3-4 years’ time, but would not be ideal if you left it much later than that.

Is this the Washingrizonawai’i move?
I still have my eye on the horizon for some time in DC. This would be a temporary stop in Hawaii, with likely a second move 2-3 years after that.
veronica_inheels wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 6:20 pm
Section, I seem to remember you periodically post about moving. For years. Hawaii, then Oregon or Phoenix ( can't really remember)
Is that just a musing post again? Or why can't you move already?
This is like Flora and her "adventures abroad"
Most of the time it is musing. I'll see a job someplace random and wonder about it and maybe do an OP. There's been several instances where I was a finalist but didn't get the job, and other times I could have taken the positions but couldn't due to non-work reasons.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by veronica_inheels » Mon Mar 12, 2018 7:52 pm

Ah yes. Good luck with jobs!
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by flatfoot » Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:50 am

Late to the post, but I can tell you it wasn’t easy moving when my daughter was between junior and senior high. Being uprooted from your friends and having to start making new ones all over again, shifting from one school system to another that’s completely different, losing the status you’d built for being a leader and becoming “just another student,” all while under pressure to get good grades and high college-admissions test scores – it was a lot to deal with. I’m fortunate that my daughter is strong and determined. It took a while, but she got back most of what she lost. You have to make sure your kids have the all the support they need to help them cope, when you move them at this age.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Godjira » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:05 am

I think I’d like my kids to stay in the same elementary school- at least from
2 to 6 when kids have a clearer memory. It’s hard to shake the new kid stigma. I see 50 year old people on Facebook who moved into town when we were in 3rd grade, and they still seem new to me.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by Godjira » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:07 am

That’s why if we decide to move back to the old country, I want it to be before starting elementary school (not including kindergarten)
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by DianaHaddad » Wed Mar 14, 2018 5:41 am

I moved during the school year, in 8th grade. My parents went to heroic lengths to try to get us moved before the year started, but it was eventually out of their control.

It went just fine. I made friends right away, like already by my 2nd day of school. I secretly didn't like it there for about 5 months and then one day I just decided it was home, and I was good.

The teachers were good about making sure I was caught up with what the class was doing. The only challenge was French, because 8th grade French at the old school meant "first year of French" and in the new school it meant "second year of French". I'll never forget the massacre that was my first quiz, where I may as well have been reading Mongolian. For a whole marking period, I sat there literally listening to people speaking a language I did.not.understand. But one day it clicked and I went on to major in French, so I guess it all worked out.
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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by muthafunky » Wed Mar 14, 2018 5:57 am

We moved when I was 5 and again when I was 9. Five didn't register much, but nine was pretty hard. My brother was 13 and he hated it.

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Re: Best versus Worst age to move kids.

Post by kotagiri_tea_planter » Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:57 am

I once did a stretch of 6 schools in 6 years. If anything screwed me up, it was the parents. School was an escape from home. So just become more of a shitty dad and they'll be fine.

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