Men's only topic

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:55 am

I'm on the fence about telling a story and thought it might be safer to put it here than other branches. It's something that I discussed at the barber shop and we were all laughing and practially in tears. It's pretty fucking sick and twisted so what say you? Should I just keep it to myself and move on or post it here?

It's not technically sports related but something all guys could relate to.

Lincoln · Post by **Lincoln** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:00 am

Yep...post that shit here!

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:12 am

HA! You've got it my friend!

So I'm at the barbers getting my hair cut and telling him how I'm on Prednisone for a recent injury. One of the side effects of the medication is "increased libido" ie. you've got a raging hardon 24/7! So I'm single in the middle of no where with a huge desire to fuck something. I decide to grab a banana, wrap it in duct tape, cut off the top, scoop out the inside and have at it. The other guys in the barber shop are like "Wow, that's genius!"

We must have laughed for 3 minutes. I've never seen a group of grown men laugh so hard.

So, just thought I would share that with my PS brothers.

Lincoln · Post by **Lincoln** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:16 am

Ha!...

You and SD have a lot in common!

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:27 am

Lincoln · Post by **Lincoln** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:41 am

Stephen_Dedulas ...a regular poster on the sports branch...ask him what he did with a banana.

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:36 pm

Ah, that doesn't sound so funny to me, I can think of better inanimate objects to fuck, not to mention size, a hollowed out banana still isn't very accommodating.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:11 pm

Lol. Well bananas do vary in size. It was one of those "You had to be there moments". As I'm describing the making of the "banana fleshlight" the looks on the other guys faces was priceless. Like they can imagine the feeling

Something tells me their houses now reek of bananas.

VinnyD · Post by **VinnyD** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:28 pm

The kid in the movie Call Me By Your Name appears to use a hollowed-out peach, which was puzzling.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 2:30 pm

Lol. Men are so fucked up. I heard that a sexual thought crosses the average male mind every 5 minutes. Not really sure if I believe that but wouldn't be surprised .

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:02 pm

Despite claims that men can't multitask, minds are like computers in that they can run multiple programs simultaneously. Until recently, I thought about sex once a day, from when I woke up until I went to sleep. Once every 5 minutes is a laughable underestimation.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:34 pm

Yes, I remember when I was young, dumb and full of cum. The insane horniness. It sounds comical but it's very disconcerting and no one tells you how to cope. I'm glad I had enough of a moral compass to not do anything illegal but I could see how some men would resort to predatory behavior. I always felt like that should get more attention. Support groups etc. I'm so sick of reading about the nasty shit men do to woman and children.

steveogolf · Post by **steveogolf** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 6:46 pm

Lincoln wrote: ↑
Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:00 am
Yep...post that shit here!

Lincs has previously admitted to being a Master Wanker who has engaged in his craft at all hours of the day and night and at any place where the urge strikes him, but I'm sure that he has never done anything with a hallowed out banana. LOL

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:07 pm

I call BS on that!

cummy · Post by **cummy** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:28 am

ManchVegas wrote: ↑
Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:34 pm
and full of cum.

oooooh. i can so feel another story in there. spill (the story, that is).

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:44 am

Yeah, I remember back in the day you could stop at any rest area or welcome break in the UK and as long as it was off hours and no one was around you would find horny men. The police would actually conduct periodic raids which was stupid. It was midnight and it was only grown horny men. No women, no children. We would stand in a circle and jerk off.

It still amazes me. The insatiable male appetite for sex. They weren't all gay either. It was just men. men. men. manly men...........

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 7:14 am

The Australian Wallabies Rugby coach at the time, Alan Jones, now a far right wing radio shock jock with enormous political influence, was caught in England while on tour with the Wallabies for public indecency, trying to procure sex in a toilet. Because of his political influence, it's no longer mentioned, but when in a joint tv interview with a notorious criminal , it was the crim (fuck I forgot his name, even though a movie was made about him, Eric Banner playing the lead) who got cut off and ordered off set. For pointing out the truth! Maybe consorting in public toilets is legal these days, but the Parrot, Alan Jones, needs his comeuppance as much as the Trump.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:33 pm

Well that's different. In a public toilet where kids could walk in etc. What I'm referring to is behind the rest area in the woods late at night when the place was closed.

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:14 pm

Furry muff, I just wanted to point out what a cunt Alan Jones is. Disappointingly, I still can't remember the name of the guy who cut his own ear off in jail.

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:18 pm

CHOPPER REID. Slow, but I finally remembered it.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:25 pm

Lol. Thanks for that piece of Australiana!

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:27 pm

Excellent movie

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 4:17 am

So, I think we've got a safe man thread here. I want to ask another question of you straight guys.

Do you ever sort of "tease" gay guys? For example a married couple I'm friends with the husband shows me his dick. It was really weird. I was talking with the husband in his home office and somehow the conversavtion turns to our dicks. He's like "Are you cut or uncut?" and I'm like "Cut" and he's like "I'm uncut and shows me his dick." I show him mine and we compare the two dick styles. There's no sex or anything but I just thought it was odd. Is that normal straight male behavior?

it's so funny because this guy is straight as you can get. Works construction etc. but to straight guys maybe it's just like showing you my elbow. It's just a body part and there's nothing sexual about it. I'm still a little dumfounded.

Geoffers · Post by **Geoffers** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:08 am

No, I'd never do that.

misanthrope · Post by **misanthrope** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:07 am

A friend of mine from Belfast used to work in Philly doing construction in summers and he was often asked to pull it out to show what uncut looks like.

I think that a banana would be more than enough to accommodate about 90% of the male population.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 3:16 pm

Uncut is pretty uncommon in the US. When I'm in the UK I have to be careful because I have a tendancy to look at other guys dicks at a urinal because they're uncut and it sort of facinates me. It's a total breach of the guy code though. I'm surprised I wasn't punched.

The extra sensativity you uncut guys have must be amazing! If I still had a foreskin I think all I would do is jerk off all day long!

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:23 pm

OK. You guys are sucking at sharing sick bastard sex stories. I just got off the phone with a UK friend and he told me about how he put Nutella on his dick and let the family dog lick it off when he was a horny teenager.

I did the same but used peanut butter.

What sandwich spread did you use?

Once again the two of us were hyper-ventilating with laughter. Don't try and act all cool like you didn't do the same thing.

cummy · Post by **cummy** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:45 am

ManchVegas wrote: ↑
Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:23 pm
I did the same but used peanut butter.

so JIF made you stiff ?

i am sure you increased the 'per gram' serving of protein

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:49 am

Ha! Jiff and Rover. How sick can you get? It's best to use creamy and not chunky.

So, Cumster I want to hear some of your sick twisted sex stories and don't pretend like you don't have them!

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:51 am

I know you've been "Spit Roasted". No doubt in my mind........

cummy · Post by **cummy** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 4:11 am

but, i am still a virgin. and i call this number all.the.time.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 4:19 am

Yeah, Right.......

I know you've got some sick twisted stories to tell as do all of the men here.

It looks like we've got a real man thread going here too. No female penetration thus far!

Come on guys. I want to hear it. Gay or straight. Nasty stories of the first time you caught crabs for example. What did you do?

I'm in desperate need of really good laughs.

Unwashed_Pom · Post by **Unwashed_Pom** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 6:51 am

I have no idea where I picked a dose of the crabs. What I do distinctly remember is the exact moment I discovered I had them. It was in a tech drawing class in the last year of my apprenticeship. A truncated cone development from memory and I remember furiously scratching away around the nads to the point I thought I was going to draw blood. As I picked up my pencil, something that must've been stuck under my fingernail bombed onto my drawing paper. As I'm looking at it I scope legs moving about. WTF. I put two and two together, ask to be excused and head off to the muckhut for a look see. It was a whole new frontier down there. I was farming them.

TBC.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:03 am

HA! Thanks Pom. I had a similair incident at work when I first realized I had a case. I freaked out and talked to a friend and he gave me the best advice. He was like "Get to a drugstore now and get some RID." back then 24/7 drug stores weren't a thing. I drove all the way to Derry NH to Dial Drug and got the crab juice.

Here's some big brother advice for the younger guys out there. One applicatiion won't do. I had to to appply it to my dick and leave it and go to work. Every day when I got back home I found dead crabs in my underwear. After a good week they were finally gone.

Lol...and who says I'm selfish and don't give back?

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:05 am

Oh, and BTW Cummy. I've always preferred Skippy over JIF.

I wonder if they have that in OZ? Skippy was a TV show I can't imagine it would have sold well/

Unwashed_Pom · Post by **Unwashed_Pom** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:26 am

In my case I thought, fuck it, some serious remedy required here, so putting crab farming up there with sexually transmitted diseases I headed of to the VD clinic in the old port area where I lived at the time that largely catered to the needs of transient seaman. I walked up and down the road a couple of times making sure nobody I knew saw me and bolted inside.

The snoozer at reception asks me what exactly is my problem. I hesitate and and mutter something to the effect that I think I may contracted body lice. He just looked at me nd said. "Ahhh! the crabs eh? Follow me".

I've propped myself on the bed sans clothing as per instructions and my man returns with a large brown flagon of cloudy liquid that he proceeds to give a goodly shaking to." Here he says. Cup your hands and rub this all around your crotch area. And I mean everywhere. It's going to sting like fuck but it's the only effective way"

TBC

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:36 am

One treatment worked for you? That must of been some potent stuff.

Did you give the crabs to anyone else?

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:44 am

A Canadian friend actually put the crabs in a jar and took them to the doctor. He was so dumbfounded. He didn't understand what was happening. They were all fighting with each other. The doctor was like "You have crab lice."

Lol, He cracks me up. Such a Canadian way to handle the situation. You wouldn't just call up your best friend and say "What the fuck is this?!" That would be too personal.

Unwashed_Pom · Post by **Unwashed_Pom** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:03 am

I'm thinking to myself, I can handle this shit, no problems. He says"did that sting?" "I say, no it's good". He says" I better give it another shake then". The cork goes back in and he's giving it his best Peter Allen maracas shaking imptession and says, "here, have another go".

Talk about fire in the hole. It was scorched earth policy on a personal level. Hiroshima hour for those little suckers as I sat there with my eyeballs rolled back in my head and furiously fanning my crotch.

TBC

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:08 am

So, for real. Are most of you guys "Once a day and twice on Sunday" types when it comes to wanking? I've heard it decreases as you get older and then you can't even cum. Is that really true? There are just too many horny old men for that to be the case.

Also, is it true you lose all of your pubic hair when you get old?

Ha! Pom. Just noticed your post. I love the Peter Allen reference. Yeah, that had to be some potent shit! The over the counter products are so watered down and take days to work.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:18 am

BTW. Misanthrope. I agree. a standard size banana works well for the average male. My friend in England claims he had to use a plantain. Lol..that's another guy thing, gay or straight we always exaggerate about our dick sizes.

Unwashed_Pom · Post by **Unwashed_Pom** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:57 am

So then the attendant says to me, "ok, get your kit on and when you get home make sure you wash every single article of clothing and bed linen you've come into contact with in the last month." I'm thinking, easier said than done without a full and thorough explanation to my mother.

So I decided to let sleeping crabs lie and hope it would all go away. Big mistake and back with a vengeance within the week. Bastards. So in the end I thought, fuck it. I'm not overly titillated about another visit to the pox doctor so yes, Manch I adopted the same method as you did. Bug repellant. I put a choke hold on the love truncheon and unleashed yet another round of chemical warfare. Worked liked a charm.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 1:24 pm

LOL. Yes, you have to do many rounds and keep checking undies for dead crabs. When you see no more dead crabs do one more round and then you should be good to go.

I can't believe we're the only two guys on here that have ever had crabs.

ManchVegas · Post by **ManchVegas** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 1:46 pm

So, good news guys! I can piss standing up again! LOL. I haven't been able to do that because of my illness. You have no idea what a luxury that is until it's taken away from you.