England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

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Lincoln
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Lincoln » Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:19 am

Lincoln stands at the top of his mark as he prepares to bowl to the mogoloid Steve Smith...the spakker swings his bat but plays on to his wicket....out cries the umpire,no Nifty 50! for you you filthy crim wanker.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:50 am

Oh, fuck you Lincoln. Both of them GORN .
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Red_V » Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:28 am

It's time to take the long-handle approach.No point hanging around.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:37 am

Vital stats, pinched from twitter

Biggest alliterative Test partnerships

301 S Smith & M Marsh 2017
199 G Greenidge & R Richardson 1991 (same pair also have next 3 spots on list)
185 GG & RR 1985
178 GG & RR 1989
147 GG & RR 1987
130 G Greenidge & M Marshall 1983
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:33 am

Glorious green and gold heroes-7/643
Dour smelling pasty skinned unwashed pommy losers-Up shit creek without a paddle.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:14 am

The guy that looks like he has Down's Symdrome can bat a bit can't he?

Easily the best batsman in the world, but a couple of Pomms thinks he looks like a Mogoloid, what a pair of insufferable idiots and loosers.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:36 am

9-662 declared. Payne was on 49 but Smith called em in. New ball, pace bowlers first up, here we go.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Geoffers » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:55 am

Payback for Paine running Starc out?

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Geoffers » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:30 am

It's starting to rain in Perth

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:46 am

Root gawwwwwnnnn, 3-60

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Meatfree » Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:51 am

Unwashed, I'm not Smedder and I'm not a massive fan of Mince pies. All my sugar comes from the beer.

Stress, you need to pretend to lighten up. As much as our mob over their should pretend they're cricketers for a bit.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:39 am

Stress, you need to pretend to lighten up.

Yeah, but he does have a caveat. Give him a break and he'll be fine.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Meatfree » Sun Dec 17, 2017 10:11 am

Our cricketers are giving him plenty of breaks, cor bless em.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:30 pm

I must admit it is a sterling effort by a couple of the Pomms on the board to try and not talk about the cricket, but to make it personal talking about Aussie posters, good try to the unwashed brigade!!

But back to the cricket....................

It now seems certain if the rain stays away that Australia will win the Ashes tomorrow, and the 'W' word looms large, come on the Pomms, show some fight in the last two tests!!

Is Ali the best spin bowler you have got?"

He has looked piss-poor in the games so far.

And what is with Broad and Anderson getting together talking all the time while bowling, is Root not the Captain?"

Or is he Captain in name only?

Come on Pomms you are starting to look like leaderless rabble.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by mad hatter » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:20 pm

why are England so shit? Didnt they invent cricket?
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by shunter » Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:13 pm

Australia need about 90 minutes play, you’d think.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:41 pm

Up to 15mm of rain predicted for Perth today. This match may be drawn.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:36 am

Image

Moving fast from bottom left to top right.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by mad hatter » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:09 am

Flobster! wrote:Image

Moving fast from bottom left to top right.
yeah but the aussies will still have humiliated the poms right?
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Lincoln » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:13 am

No they have not....a draw is draw and we live to fight another day!

Fuck you Australia....we're still in this.

You heard it here first....series draw and we retain the Ashes.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by mad hatter » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:19 am

to draw an unsavoury analogy, AU were Weinstein and you Poms were a neophyte starlette, at 1am after a bottle of champagne and 2 grams of charlie.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:19 am

It would be something of a miscarriage of justice if the Pomms got out of this one with a draw, after being so badly outplayed for most of the match, but if it happens it happens!!

But if the rain does stay away, the Aussies will regain the Ashes, and be 3 up in the series, with the Pomms left to stop it being a whitewash, surely they can draw one of the remaining two tests?

Perhaps it might rain in Melbourne or Sydney?
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:55 am

It's on! And England has lasted until after lunch!

70 overs to go.

Bairstow GORN! (Off the wet patch)

69 overs to go.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:07 am

Bowled him!!!

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:12 am

Did that carry? Was touch and go.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 6:11 am

Gawwwwwnnnn, 6-172

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 6:53 am

Gawwwwwwwwnnnnnn 7-196.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:15 am

Gawwwwwwnnnnnnn Hazelwood has 5. 8-210.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:19 am

Gawwwwwnnnnnn, 9 fer.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:19 am

Yep. Welcome home, Ashes.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Unwashed_Pom » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:21 am

Oh wait. I think I can hear the fat lady exercising her vocal chords in anticipation.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:29 am

If they hung in for a draw it would be quite good. And a tie is a possibility too, they're 48 behind.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:41 am

How the fuck would a tie be a possibility?

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:45 am

If the last pair made 48 (or whatever it is now) then the last wicket fell.

I agree they're very unlikely to make 48.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:46 am

All out...
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by andybox » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:47 am

Gawwwwwnnnnnn, Lincoln suck our collective saggy balls.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:03 am

Very well bowled Andy, and very badly tipped Lincoln!
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Lincoln » Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:45 pm

Well done Australia...you are wankers you lot, i hope you know this. :roll:

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by (X) » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:15 pm

Done and dusted; well done Australia.
Slap on your butt for good measure!

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by rosstralia » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:30 pm

Another great win for the mighty Aussies. The Ashes are now back where they belong.

So what went wrong with the Poms. The problem seems to be mainly with their more experienced players. With the exception of Anderson and the headbutter the other experienced players just havent performed well enough.

Cook - A disaster of a series so far. Time for a job in commentary or selling used cars.
Broad - Bowling hasnt been good enough and his batting is crap. That dickhead Swann says he should be captain. Hes lucky to be in the team at the moment.
Ali - Hes an allrounder but it doesnt look like he can bat or bowl. I'm not sure what is worse at the moment. If hes injured give someone else a go.
Root - He has a batting average worse than Malan, Stoneman and Vince. He always seems to be sooking about something. The only thing hes done well at is the toss.
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Meatfree » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:48 pm

Congratulations you cunts.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Red_V » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:14 pm

I can feel a whitewash coming on.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Mon Dec 18, 2017 6:32 pm

Root, a sheep in wolf's clothing?
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Unwashed_Pom » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:19 pm

Root is a bigger sook than Kim Hughes and lacks the necessary mongrel quotient. He should get some advice from the Great Helmsman, Ponting.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by skutr » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:15 am

mad hatter wrote:why are England so shit? Didnt they invent cricket?


Not enough ex-pats methinks....

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Flobster! » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:21 am

Unwashed_Pom wrote:Root is a bigger sook than Kim Hughes and lacks the necessary mongrel quotient. He should get some advice from the Great Helmsman, Ponting.


Or Revered Ancestor AB.

(Border is younger than I thought - 62. I thought he'd be about 87 by now.)
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by mad hatter » Tue Dec 19, 2017 1:12 am

skutr wrote:
mad hatter wrote:why are England so shit? Didnt they invent cricket?


Not enough ex-pats methinks....
they need a few Aussies and Pakistanis
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by Lincoln » Tue Dec 19, 2017 1:35 am

skutr wrote:
mad hatter wrote:why are England so shit? Didnt they invent cricket?


Not enough ex-pats methinks....


Skutr...so good to see you back,where have you been?...you should hang around more.

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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by jedgarandclyde » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:22 am

The obvious thing to say here is there is not enough Saffa's in the Pommy team....................................
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Re: England v Arsetralia 3rd Test Orrfishul thread.

Post by skutr » Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:51 am

Lincoln wrote:
skutr wrote:
mad hatter wrote:why are England so shit? Didnt they invent cricket?


Not enough ex-pats methinks....


Skutr...so good to see you back,where have you been?...you should hang around more.


Been rather busy Lincs - in between jobs and looking after disabled parents - haven't had much time for shit.

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